Thanksgiving 2009

Will Thanksgiving 2009 be a real turkey this year, so to speak, or a winner? If you ask the people from Cherry Hill, New Jersey, they may just say it will be a real turkey. That is because (and I kid you not here) that a gang of wild turkeys in this city is attacking women and children on the sidewalks.

According to news reports the wild turkeys (and we're not talking whiskey here) are attacking joggers and henpecking, so to speak, old men with nothing else to live for. The birds are also charging children and taking their school money.

What will be the end to this madness? Well, Thanksgiving 2009 of course. Those bawdy birds don't stand a chance on Turkey Day when the hungry townspeople come a calling. The birds who have been chasing women and children will now be chased by the same along with men with an appetite.

And, perhaps this is what the birds are so peeved about. They realize that Thanksgiving 2009 is fast approaching and they only have a little while before they become Butterballs and grace someone's table as they are saying grace.
These Cherry Hill turkeys may be crammed with cherry and cranberry stuffing, basted in oil, have their legs tied up, heads chopped off and baked in an oven or dipped in boiling oil. Oh, the humanity!

PETA may just get involved too, to stop the madness. Perhaps they will protest and throw giblets on people who want to partake of this American Tradition. Now, will your Thanksgiving 2009 be a blast or a lame duck?

Well, if you substitute duck for turkey, then it may be kind of fun. Throw a ham on the table as well and tell the hogs to stick it where to sun don't shine. In fact, where is it exactly where the sun doesn't shine?

But, I digress in talking about Thanksgiving 2009. Will your least favorite aunt show up for Thanksgiving dinner and give you a big sloppy kiss smearing lipstick all over the side of your face? Will your uncle who gropes too much also show up and show you something personal and tell you to keep it a "secret"?

These questions you'll have to answer for yourself. Perhaps you'll want to go it alone this year or keep it a couple's thing. That's the great part about the holidays is that you can celebrate them as little or much as you want to and when Thanksgiving 2009 is over there is always Black Friday to look forward to. So enjoy your ill-tempered turkey and a suffocating amount of people at the shopping mall this year and live it up!